


Kenobi's Kitchen Nightmares

by akathecentimetre



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: AU madness, F/M, Gen, Kitchen Nightmares, madness I say
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-03
Updated: 2016-07-27
Packaged: 2018-05-18 02:14:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 4,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5894191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akathecentimetre/pseuds/akathecentimetre
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <b>Chef Kenobi is in Lancaster, California to help the owners of the Space Café, a run-down eatery run by a young, frustrated chef and his loving, but overwhelmed wife. And that’s not all. What with a disgruntled angel investor interfering relatives, and a manager who tends to overstays his welcome – this rocketing restaurant might be out of fuel.</b>
</p><p>
  <i>[Close on Obi-Wan standing outside the restaurant, staring at the crooked sign, the hand-painted X-1 plane across the front, and the sun-faded menus pasted in the windows]</i>
</p><p>Obi-Wan: ...fuck me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have no explanation for this except that I am addicted to [Kitchen Nightmares](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XKrWSnoKO3I) and that my brain Star Wars-ifies everything I touch these days. Hope you enjoy it!

*

**LANCASTER, California: a small town in the southern California desert. Just down the road from Edwards Air Force Base is the Space Café, owned by chef Anakin Skywalker and his wife Padmé.**

Padme _[in pearls, slim, dignified]_ : My husband had always wanted to own a family business. After serving for several years in the Air Force, taking over the Space Café became his new dream.

Anakin  _[nervously aggressive, impossibly handsome]_ : I hate the desert, to be honest. But it was nearby to where I had been demobbed, I loved the restaurant the second I walked in - and hey, I’m a great cook. What wasn’t to like? 

Padmé: For the first year, things went very well.

_[Close on smiles of the beautiful couple; two adorable children running underfoot; rocket noises, laughter]_

Padmé: We did, unfortunately, receive a bad review from a local paper which insinuated certain things about my husband’s temper – 

_[Anakin in the kitchen: throwing a pan, cowering line cooks]_

Padmé: - and that has sent us into a spiral of declining standards.

_[Close on several plates of food, each messier than the last. Grimacing customers, and stunned faces when they hear shouting coming out of the kitchen. Pained smiles on servers’ faces.]_

**And that’s not all. What with a disgruntled angel investor** _[close on Mace Windu, haughty and disapproving]_ , **interfering relatives**   _[close on Yoda, at the bar, half-asleep]_ , **and a manager who tends to overstays his welcome –**

_[Close on Palpatine: old, sleazy, scary smile.]_

**\- this rocketing restaurant may be out of fuel.**

Anakin: I don’t know. I don’t know what to do any more. There’s just no money - we’re close to losing everything, and I can’t stand it. For my family’s sake, you know?

_[It’s not pleasant to see a grown man close to tears. Padmé is in tears.]_

Padmé: We desperately need Chef Kenobi’s help. 

_[Close on Obi-Wan standing outside the restaurant, staring at the crooked sign, the hand-painted X-1 plane across the front, and the sun-faded menus pasted in the windows]_

Obi-Wan: ……fuck me.

*

**TBC**

*


	2. Chapter 2

*

_[post-credits intro]_ **Chef Kenobi is in Lancaster, California to help the owners of the Space Café. And in a taste of what is to come, his first surprise appears the moment he walks in the door.**

Leia _[5 years old, prim, standing to attention in the doorway]_ : Hello.

Obi-Wan _[leaning down, looking bemused]_ : Hello there. And who are you?

Leia: I'm Leia. Who are you?

Obi-Wan: Erm. I'm Obi-Wan, I've come in to have some lunch.

Leia: Well then I'd better seat you.

_[The Chef follows the five-year-old, looking increasingly baffled - and not just by his tiny hostess. The décor of the restaurant is dated, to say the least: faded newspaper clippings, peeling paint, and even miniscule holes to be seen in the brick walls. ZOOM on the color scheme, which is a ghastly combination of black and faded red: an entire diner the shade of a bruise.]_

Sabé _[waitress, pretty, well-put together and rushing into place]_ : I'm sorry, sir. I should have been at the front to greet you -

Obi-Wan: No no, not at all - I had an escort. _[to Leia]_ Thank you.

Leia: You're welcome.

_[She totters to the foyer, still looking suspiciously in Kenobi's direction, as Sab_ _é sets Kenobi's place at the table.]_

Obi-Wan: Not that she's not charming, but isn't she a bit young to be legally working in the state of California?

Sabé [laughing]: She is. We just can't keep her away. She's a little manager at heart already.

Obi-Wan: And she is...?

Sabé: The owner's daughter. _[over Kenobi's 'ahhh' of understanding:]_ She also has a twin brother, Luke -

Obi-Wan: Bloody hell.

Sabé: - and they're usually here - you know, when kindergarten isn't in session, which means now, since it's summer. I'm sorry, Padmé said she was going to be here to greet you, but she must be running late from her council meeting.

Obi-Wan: No worries, darling - well, I suppose I'll just take a look at the menu, then. I can see _[glancing over at Leia, who is squinting and tugging at her braids]_ that I'm going to be well looked-after.

*

**TBC**

*


	3. Chapter 3

*

**So far, Chef Kenobi's visit to the Space Caf** **é is off to a bumpy start. His hostess isn't yet old enough to be handling her own knife and fork, and the owners are nowhere to be seen. And that's just the beginning.**

_[As Sab_ _é goes back to the kitchen to wait on Chef Kenobi's order, close on a white-haired man who is sidling his silent way through the foyer of the restaurant. Very upright, sideways smile, wide unblinking eyes. Production note: this one'll need his own theme music.]_

Palpatine: Chef Kenobi -

Obi-Wan _[starting halfway out of his seat - not surprising, given the way Palpatine is standing mostly behind his chair]_ : Sithspit!

Palpatine _[the smile hasn't budged]_ : - so nice to see you.

Obi-Wan: Damn. Do you always do that?

Palpatine: Whenever I can.

Obi-Wan _[staring but still smiling, not quite sure what to make of this]_ : I hope not. And you are - ?

Palpatine: Sheev Palpatine. I'm the manager.

Obi-Wan: Ah, I see. And you make a habit of scaring your customers, do you?

Palpatine: Only the ones that deserve it.

_[Across the restaurant, little Leia is making horrendous faces at Palpatine's back. Obi-Wan stares some more, and grins.]_

Obi-Wan: Well, that's very - discerning of you, I'm sure. Given your apparent capacity for judgement - what would you say is wrong with the restaurant?

Palpatine _[with a studied, casual wave of the hands]_ : Oh, well... I'm not sure young Anakin always has his mind where it should be, in the kitchen, you see...

Obi-Wan: So you're saying his mind is - _[tilts head at Leia, who is turning a most alarming shade of pink thanks to her indignant pout]_ \- elsewhere?

_[It's very clear the Chef doesn't think much of this line of reasoning. Or Palpatine, for that matter. A stiff upper lip can conceal only so much.]_

Palpatine _[with a gentle shrug]_ : Well, who am I to judge. There are certainly problems of management here which our investors do not appreciate.

Obi-Wan: Problems of management.

Palpatine: Yes.

Obi-Wan: And you're the general manager.

_[A hit, a palpable hit. Leia spins round and hides inside a nearby booth as she giggles. Palpatine's face looks like he's just eaten a rotten egg.]_

Palpatine: I hope you enjoy your meal.

Obi-Wan _[muttering, to camera]_ : And I hope you swallow that good and proper. What a creep.

*

**TBC**

*


	4. Chapter 4

*

**Chef Kenobi's week is off to a strange start. It's already clear that the manager** _[close on Palpatine, watching Kenobi unsmilingly from beyond the pass]_ **seems to have very little respect for the owners or his customers. But what will the owners themselves say?**

_[Close on Padmé, finally rushing in the door. She looks harried, but still nothing about her or her beautiful suit & jewelry is out of place. From somewhere back in the kitchen, a squeal of happiness - a second Leia-sized child careens out and latches onto her leg. Kenobi looks most bemused.]_

Padmé _[hurrying to the table]_ : Chef Kenobi, I am so sorry to have kept you waiting.

Obi-Wan _[standing, greets her with a kiss on each cheek]_ : Not at all, darling, I was just taking a look round - you must be Padmé?

Padmé: That's right - and I think you've already met my little ones.

Obi-Wan _[grinning, looking down at Luke, who peeks out from behind Padmé's knee]_ : Not this one. How are you, little man?

_[A mumble of something wordless before the tyke turns and scoots back off to his sister, who looks, typically, most put out. Padmé sits opposite Chef Kenobi - now the real work can begin.]_

Obi-Wan: So, bring me up to speed. You and your husband bought the place - ?

Padmé: Seven years ago.

Obi-Wan: Seven - ? Forgive me for saying it, but you must have been very young. Wow. Really?

Padmé _[smiling, and she is gorgeous]_ : That's correct. It was a wild ride from the start, but I suppose we'd expected that. And we thought we were ready. Anakin had always been a great cook, and I put everything I could into it despite still being in school.

Obi-Wan: Right, so... you _thought_ you were ready...

Padmé: Well, once the twins came along, that obviously changed a lot. And then I was elected to the city's local government.

Obi-Wan: Straight out of school?

Padmé: That's right.

_[Chef Kenobi is visibly impressed, but there's something not quite right here...]_

Obi-Wan: Your, uh - your manager doesn't seem to be very well reconciled to your choices, I must say.

Padmé _[looking suddenly uneasy, as though she doesn't want to cause offense]_ : Sheev can be... a law unto his own. He doesn't approve of either Anakin or I taking time away from the business.

Obi-Wan: I mean, as a business owner I understand that impulse, but that's hardly very collegial of him.

Padmé: Not at all. His attitude is certainly one of the problems we have here.

Obi-Wan: And what are the others? I understand there was a negative review of some sort?

Padmé _[looking down, fiddling slightly with her hands before she folds them again]_ : Anakin is a very passionate person. If things are going well, things go _very_ well. If they aren't -

Obi-Wan: Damn. So what that critic wrote about the - tantrums, he called it -

Padmé: Yes. And then the quality of the food suffers, the customers aren't satisfied -

Obi-Wan: And how would you rate the food? Out of ten?

_[A pause. Padmé tries to smile.]_

Padmé: Seven?

Obi-Wan: Well - _[with his usual charm, because she clearly needs to be put at ease]_ \- that's a decent start, at least. Can I meet him?

Padmé: Absolutely. I'll go and get him for you.

*

**TBC**

*


	5. Chapter 5

*

**Chef Kenobi is finally about to meet the young owner of the Space Café. And he might not turn out to be quite what Obi-Wan has expected...**

Anakin _[coming out of the kitchen wiping his hands on his apron, confident, grinning]:_ Chef Kenobi. It's an honor, sir.

Kenobi: Pleasure to be here. Sit down, why don't we have a bit of a catch-up -

Anakin _[CUTAWAY TO INTERVIEW]:_ I mean, sure I'm excited. Such a prominent chef turning up at my place? It's unreal.

_[The two men at the table. Anakin looks eager to please - or does he?]_

Anakin _[INTERVIEW]:_ Obviously I'll be impressing him, too. I mean _[laughs, slightly wide-eyed]_ this is me we're talking about, right? The best chef in all of California.

_[Padmé is eyeing the two of them from beyond the pass, with Sabé next to her. She looks worried.]_

Kenobi: God, you look even younger than Padmé.

Anakin: I am.

Kenobi _[looking slightly shellshocked]_ : And you were in the Air Force before this? Already?

Anakin: Yes, sir.

Kenobi: Damn, you're making me feel old.

Anakin _[half-joking]_ : Aren't you?

_[Pause. Awkward. Padmé can't seem to decide whether to laugh or cry.]_

Obi-Wan: So, tell me about the menu.

Anakin: Modern American. A bit of everything. Local tastes aren't very particular...

Obi-Wan _[skeptical, because come on, one never blames it on the customers]_ : And it's just you back there? It is a small place.

Anakin: I can handle it. Most others can't.

Obi-Wan _[now looking thoroughly fed-up]_ : Right. I suppose I should have a little taste, shouldn't I? See where we stand.

Anakin _[half-standing]_ : Absolutely. I'll get Sabé -

Obi-Wan: No, no, no need - surprise me. _[To the camera, as Anakin makes his way away:]_ Well, he's confident, that's for sure. Let's see if his food makes his case.

Sabé, to Padmé _[whispering]_ : Why do I feel like we're gonna go down in flames...?

Padmé: I feel like we already have.

*

**TBC**

*


	6. Chapter 6

*

 

**It's finally time for Chef Kenobi to see what young Anakin Skywalker can do – and he's certainly confident.**

Anakin _[INTERVIEW CUTAWAY, smiling, slightly predatory]_ : What do I have to be worried about? I know what I'm capable of. _[CUTAWAY to him working in the kitchen – he certainly seems to know a little bit about what he's doing, hands and pans flying.]_ I'm pretty sure Chef Kenobi's going to be impressed.

_[In the dining room, Chef Kenobi is not impressed.]_

Obi-Wan: What on earth - _[in a usual move, the Chef is examining the decor, poking around the old-fashioned booths; it's not particularly dirty per se, but the color schemes are alarmingly bright and garish]_ \- and this – what _is_ this?

_['This' turns out to be the pieces of a toy rocketship, crunched into the carpet.]_

Obi-Wan: Frankly I'm not sure if that belongs to the kids, or their parents...

**And there's about to be another unexpected surprise...**

_[Close on the door to the restaurant: over the booths, it is seen to open and close, but no one is visible.]_

Obi-Wan _[looking up from the detritus]_ : Hello?

_[Around the corner comes a miniscule old man tapping along on his cane, so ancient you're not sure where one wrinkle ends and another begins. Not a customer, surely, at this hour and with the rest of the place empty?]_

Yoda: Hmmm. Early, you are.

Obi-Wan _[staring]_ : I'm sorry?

Yoda _[beady-eyed]_ : And shorter than I expected.

Anakin _[from behind the pass, ringing a bell]_ : Pickup!

_[Obi-Wan sits back in his chair as Sabé hurries out with his first plate; behind them both, Yoda shuffles over to the register and hauls himself laboriously up onto a stool behind it.]_

Obi-Wan _[quietly, to Sabé]_ : What's with the Ghost of Christmas Past over there?

Sabé: Oh, he's – he's Anakin's grandfather.

Obi-Wan: You're joking.

Sabé _[giggling]_ : Nope. He just sort of comes in and – you know, sits back there, generally interferes, has a drink -

Obi-Wan: He drinks in front of the customers?

Sabé: Well, I mean – never to excess. He's sweet, really, it's just that no-one knows what to do with him.

Obi-Wan: Damn. Well, I suppose we'll have to get to that later. What've you got for me?

Sabé: Yes! This is the Rocket Fuel Chili Burger...

*

**TBC**

*


	7. Chapter 7

*

**Chef Kenobi is about to get his first taste of Anakin's cooking – and the first thing he notices is that the presentation is lacking.**

_[Obi-Wan stares at the Rocket Fuel. It's listing dangerously to one side under the weight of all the chili which has been piled on top of it, and the bun is sliding off.]_

Sabé: So this is a medium-rare beef burger, topped with jalapeno and bacon chili -

Obi-Wan _[under his breath]_ : Jesus. _[Louder]_ So, spicy, then?

Sabé: Very.

Obi-Wan: And is it popular?

Sabé: It sells well, but I can't say it's often enjoyed.

_[It takes a lot for a three-star Michelin chef to be surprised, but that is clearly what happens when Obi-Wan takes his first bite, with Padmé anxiously looking on, her hands over her face – in fact, the first thing Kenobi has to do is cough it straight back up.]_

Obi-Wan _[to camera]_ : Damn, that's - _[more coughing, discreetly, as he sets the burger back down]_ \- inedible. Really bad. _[The inspection continues, this time at the safe distance of a knife and fork.]_ The chili has soaked right through the bun, too – and there's _more_ spice crusted on the burger itself. Is he trying to kill people?

Padmé _[whispering to Sabé]_ : Oh gods, it's worse than I thought. Is it going to get better?

Sabé: I doubt it...

_[Yoda, at least, seems to be enjoying the spectacle very much – as, it must be said, is Palpatine, who is puttering around the back, looking typically malicious.]_

Palpatine _[INTERVIEW CUTAWAY]_ : I am not at all surprised, frankly - given Chef Kenobi's famous intolerance for experimentation, for one thing. And then, of course, Anakin is not at his best.

_[Creep.]_

_[Back in the dining room, Sabé has taken away the mound of unfinished burger and served the next plate...]_

Obi-Wan: And this is?

Sabé: Salmon, red pepper, and chili flake pasta.

Obi-Wan _[flabbergasted]_ : What?

Sabé _[she has clearly given up, now, and is just ready to laugh]_ : Yeah, the heat and spice is meant to all be themed, obviously, but...

Obi-Wan: Saints preserve us. Well, thank you, darling.

Sabé: You're welcome.

*

**TBC**

*


	8. Chapter 8

*

**Chef Kenobi's taste buds have been shocked by Anakin's first efforts. The young cook had better hope things improve...**

_[Obi-Wan is looking suspiciously at the spicy salmon pasta. It appears too hot to even touch, let alone eat.]_

Obi-Wan _[sighing and picking up his fork]_ : Well, here goes nothing – gods, that's – well, no. _[There might be some not-so-surreptitious Spitting Back Out. CUT to Padmé behind the pass again, stuck in wide-eyed horror.]_ The part which should be flavorful – the fish – is bland as all hell, and the rest of it is just overwhelmed with heat.

Padmé _[to Sabé, as she is hurrying by with one last plate]_ : What's that?

Sabé: Dessert.

Padmé: Oh, good. He'll be more convinced than ever that we're just a bunch of children...

Obi-Wan _[to Sabé as she arrives at the table]_ : Darling, please tell me it's not _all_ like this.

Sabé _[sheepish, but also vaguely happy, as though liberated]_ : Pretty much?

Obi-Wan: Damn. We've got our work cut out for us, then. What have you got for me now?

Sabé: Our desserts are made by a family friend who comes in every few days to bake and help out – this is Ahsoka's Apollo Cupcake.

_[It's a monstrosity, too, but at least a pretty one – lots of chocolate and cream. Obi-Wan starts laughing.]_

Obi-Wan: It doesn't strike you as a tad, erm -

Sabé: - childish?

Obi-Wan: Well, if you insist on putting it like that.

Sabé: Absolutely, it does. But at least then there's something left to eat for the kids who come in here with their parents.

Obi-Wan: Right – I suppose that's something. And how old is Ahsoka, then?

Sabé: ….fifteen?

_[The camera will love this. Obi-Wan's face is something to behold.]_

Obi-Wan: So, what – am I here to be a chef, darling, or a babysitter?

Sabé _[grinning]_ : Honestly? We need both.

*

**TBC**

*


	9. Chapter 9

*

**Anakin Skywalker's attempts to impress Chef Kenobi have, so far, failed to leave the launchpad. But perhaps there's someone else on staff whose skills will make it into orbit.**

Obi-Wan _[carefully dissecting Ahsoka's Apollo cupcake]_ : You need to be an aerospace engineer to know how to eat this thing, I swear. Look at it. What a mess. _[But as it gets tasted – to camera, with rising annoyance]_ Well – alright, the taste is good. I'll give it that. But the texture – no. It's dry as anything. Probably been sitting around for a couple of days since it's been baked. Everything about this place is just... haphazard, it's not well thought-out. I don't doubt that either of these young people have _some_ talent, but they're certainly doing their level best to fuck it up.

Sabé _[peering around the corner of the counter]_ : Anything else I can get for you, Chef?

Obi-Wan _[standing]_ : No, thank you, darling – I think I'd better get back there and check out the kitchen, shouldn't I?

Sabé: Of course. Right this way...

_[The kitchen is small, and stuffed to the gills – no obvious hygiene problems, but it's just crammed, messy and hot. Anakin is wiping down a grill and turns with a massive smile: no doubts here. Behind Chef Kenobi, Padmé doesn't look quite so confident at all. Luke and Leia have tottered in at some point, and are playing in a corner; they look most put-out at the Chef's intrusion.]_

Obi-Wan: Sabé, would you mind taking the kids out of there while I talk to their parents? Not that it's generally safe for them to be around this equipment, for another thing.

Sabé: Of course.

_[Well, that's started it off: Anakin looks pretty damn sour as Sabé ushers the little twins away.]_

Anakin: We've never had a problem with them being in here before.

Obi-Wan: Right. And that's justification for keeping them in here after all, is it? _[He points; he is clearly working up to a well thought-out lecture.]_ Knives, heavy appliances, hot pans, open flame, walk-in fridge and freezer which can only be opened from the outside – what could possibly go wrong?

Anakin _[protesting, and clearly not taking the point]_ : We run a very tight ship here -

Obi-Wan: Right now all I can see you running is a fucking _creche_ , mate. And even then, you'd probably end up killing someone – if not in here, then out there in the dining room.

_[In the background, Sabé and Padmé have started clutching each other in horrified fascination; from the dining room, it sounds like Yoda has raspily started to giggle. Anakin's face is starting to change color, and when he steps forward he's quite a lot taller than the Chef.]_

Anakin _[quietly]_ : What's wrong with my food?

Obi-Wan _[smiling mirthlessly, because he doesn't scare this easy]_ : Where shall I start?

*

**TBC**

*


	10. Chapter 10

*

 **The confrontation is on in Anakin Skywalker's kitchen, where Chef Kenobi has a few choice things to say about the cook's choice in dishes.**  

Obi-Wan: Did you suffer some sort of culinary trauma while you were in the Air Force? I'm just curious – I mean, I know that food from a government canteen can't be brilliant, but you're certainly trying too hard to make up for it, now. 

Anakin _[defensively]_ : I like the way I cook. The flavors are ones that I enjoy. 

Obi-Wan: Yeah? Well then I've got news for you: you are _entirely_ alone in that. _[Turning to_ _Padm_ _é_ _]_ : I don't want to put you on the spot, darling, but is this lunacy actually working for you? 

Padmé: I -  

Sabé _[interrupting]_ : No, it's not. I help with the books sometimes. They're losing money every week. 

Obi-Wan _[back with Anakin]_ : You're going under, and you never stopped to consider that it _might_ have been the food? 

Anakin: We don't _get_ complaints -  

Obi-Wan: Because they're probably too busy wondering whether they'll ever be able to eat again, after you've burned away everything they use to do it – or they know that you'll give yourself an aneurysm from shouting at your staff or, heaven forbid, at _them_ if they dare to send it back! 

Anakin: It all tastes _fine_ to me. 

Obi-Wan: We might as well start from the top, then. Burger – atrocious. You couldn't taste the meat for all the spice, the presentation was appalling, and if you think a zippy space-inspired name is going to give it enough charm to save it, you're sadly mistaken. Second, the pasta – I can't even _imagine_ how you came up with that flavor combination. The salmon itself, which should be the heart of the dish, was totally bland. Are you really that shit a cook that you feel the need to dip into a jar of chili flakes to cover up your every mistake? 

Anakin: No! _[He's finally properly angry, which Chef Kenobi actually seems to be enjoying.]_ I try to take pride in what I do. 

Obi-Wan: Well, thank fuck there's _something_ for me to work with, then. And your desserts – another school playmate of yours makes them, is that it? 

Anakin: Ahsoka's in culinary school here, she's just trying to make some money -  

Obi-Wan: She won't be making much with those, mate, I can tell you that right now. 

Anakin _[dangerously]_ : Don't make fun of her. You haven't even met her. 

Obi-Wan _[squinting]_ : Don't worry, I plan to. In the meantime, I expect you to think about what I've said. I'll be back for dinner service. 

 _[CUT to jump_ _insert: Anakin, out behind the restaurant, with a cigarette butt between his fingers, furiously pacing. From the back door,_ _Palpatine_ _is watching him beadily.]_  

Anakin _[with a desperate laugh]_ : What a _jerk_. I'll show him just what I can do. 

Palpatine _[sounding bored]_ : Oh, I'm sure you will...

*

**TBC**

*


	11. Chapter 11

*

 **It's time for the second phase of Chef Kenobi's visit to the Space Café to take off...**  

Kenobi _[to camera,_ _l_ _ater that day: brighter sun, and the chef is_ _squinting outside the restaurant, now in his whites]_ : I'm back at the Space Café to observe a dinner service, where I can only hope Anakin can get his act together. I've no doubt that he has a lot of passion in his life, but it's all going in the wrong directions, and into terrible food. If this _very_ young staff can't get behind changes, there may not be a lot I can do. 

 **Word has spread of Chef Kenobi's visit, and there are more customers than the staff have seen in quite some time.**  

Kenobi _[to a waitress hurrying by with a tr_ _ay_ _]_ : Sabé, could you tell me where Padmé is? 

Waitress: Oh, I'm Cordé. Sabé's off tonight. 

Kenobi _[baffled]_ : Oh, I am sorry. You look very similar. 

Cordé _[grinning]_ : Yeah, we get that a lot. 

Kenobi: And you've worked here for how long? 

Cordé: Since the start – we were all Padmé's friends in college. Gotta help a pal out, right? 

Kenobi: Well, that's very decent of you. Is the lady of the house here? 

Cordé: In the kitchen with the others. 

 _[In the kitchen, suspicious amounts of steam are floating around – as are several other young ladies the spitting image of_ _Sa_ _b_ _é_ _and_ _Cord_ _é_ _. It_ _'s all a bit confusing. But there's one girl, with_ _a bright white-and-blue bandanna tied around her head_ _, who is definitely new, and shouting at Anakin at full tilt. What on earth...]_  

Ahsoka: YOU PROMISED YOU'D LOOK AT THE BAKING INVENTORY -  

Anakin _[over the clatter of pots and pans and hissing water]_ : WELL I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE NOTICED BUT WE'VE BEEN A LITTLE BUSY AROUND HERE -  

 _[The Chef clearly can't help it: he looks directly into camera, wide-eyed. This truly is a Nightmare.]_  

Kenobi: Excuse me. 

Ahsoka: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO -  

Anakin: FIGURE IT OUT YOU USUALLY DO -  

Kenobi: Oh my good gods, will you both _shut up?_  

 _[That's done it, though not quite how you'd expect – both Anakin and the young lady look not chastened, but entirely murderous.]_  

Kenobi: .....damn.

*

**TBC**

*


	12. Chapter 12

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**Chef Kenobi’s efforts to turn around the Space Café might have hit a snag: or rather, several. First on the list is the fact that the owner and his protégé are seconds away from turning him out on his ear.**

Ahsoka: Who’s _this_ asshole?

Anakin _[while looking equally furious]_ : Fucking _lan_ guage!

Ahsoka: Uh-huh. Sure. Now where’s my damn inventory?

Anakin: I told Sheev about it! Or if not him, I definitely told someone. It’s not my fault.

_[The young lady who is apparently Ahsoka, Baker Vaguely Extraordinaire, looks like she’s about to charge out of the kitchen and make the General Manager her next target, flour flying – or she would, if Chef Kenobi wasn’t in her way.]_

Padmé _[clearly used to this sort of damage control]_ : Ahsoka, this is Chef Kenobi – ? The one we told you would be coming to consult – ?

Ahsoka _[squinting and pointing a sharp finger]_ : Mess with my recipes and I’ll hurt you.

Obi-Wan: …how old _are_ you?

Ahsoka: Fifteen next month. Is there a problem?

Obi-Wan _[bewildered]_ : Legally? I’m guessing there is.

Ahsoka: Well I won’t _be_ working here much longer if SOMEONE doesn’t start ordering in bog-standard FLOUR on a regular basis –

Anakin: I SAID IT WASN’T MY FAULT –

Obi-Wan: That’s ENOUGH!

_[Both youngsters deign to be quiet, again, though neither of them look very happy about it. Beside Padme, little Leia has shown up and is watching the chaos with a rather disturbing fascination.]_

Obi-Wan _[stern and quiet]_ : You have customers waiting to be served outside. Customers who – if I’m not mistaken – have been listening to you both eff and blind since the moment they arrived. If you don’t get a fucking grip, I’m out of here. Tonight.

Anakin _[slowly]_ : Understood.

Obi-Wan: Young lady?

Ahsoka _[frowning]_ : Fine. But I need my ingredients.

Obi-Wan: Give me a list and I’ll get them – and a few other things besides. In the meantime – do you have a dish washer?

Cordé _[half-cheerfully, from the pass]_ : He quit!

Obi-Wan: Then that’s what you’ll be doing until I get back. Mr. Skywalker, you have tickets to get started on.

Ahsoka _[with a very impressive slump-eyerolling combo]_ : Ugh, _seriously?_

_[Anakin looks most peculiar – like he’s attempting to swallow a golf ball. It’s not a good look. But at least he’s not shouting?]_

Anakin: …yes, Chef.

*

**TBC**

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eeesh - sorry for the long break! I'm hoping to update this more regularly from now on....


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